i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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