I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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