Porn is love you can see.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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