I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
