...so i touched it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
