i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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