I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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