Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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