I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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