hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
