Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
