This is not my ceiling
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
