Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
