they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
