there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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