HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
