I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
