Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
