its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You made out with two different species that night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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