do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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