Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You smell like stripper and shame
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
organizing the empties. That sober.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
