I think I died a long time ago.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
