the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
