Im at strip club and am horny
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
