its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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