Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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