Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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