I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
