You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
