Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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