I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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