Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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