he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
