clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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