Please, let me fuck your mom
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
