3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
