I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
