So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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