No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
