ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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