he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
