i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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