The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
