Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
