Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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