Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
