i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
