I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
