she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
