I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
