I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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