My first STD was from a foam party
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...