Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.