I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick