so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD