I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
