Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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