Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
