They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
