i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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