you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
