hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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