so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
