someone get that fucking seahorse.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
