I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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