marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
