Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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