when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bang-toberfest begins!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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