it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
